Other-Me, The Forgiver
http://youtu.be/zxUEcqgSqk0
I might have mentioned this before, but I'm a very grudging person. Like haunting you house as a creepy Japanese woman type of grudge. There's not just one bridge burned behind me. And I don't know of anyone, who's come back from the 'black list', once they get themselves there. (It takes a lot though, to get black-listed by me, but I'm not going to get into detail on their sins now and here.) But thenagain, most cases have been mutual bridge-burnings, only a few people have ever tried to say anything to me after these incidents and since I hold a grudge forever, I sure as Fyrd won't contact them. So no-one has ever really tried. But the more adventurous, out-going and things-go-her-way Other-Me, she apparently can be asked for forgiveness and she can forgive.
There was plenty of other weird stuff going on in the dream as well, starting from Sister playing D&D with our group and not ending with Uncle Scrooge being trapped in a time pocked inside and inka temple (or aztec, I can never tell any of those apart). But there was also a party. I somehow felt like the party was in London, and held by an old high school friend of mine. She was also pregnant or had a young child. (None of this is actually true in my best knowledge, but I think that her face was mashed with traits from couple of other friends who have little kids or have lived abroad.) The flat was very much nothing like I imagine a London apartment to be. It was very chic, expensive and like you'd see in a Bond movie. I would love to say it was something Nigel would have, with the low furniture (almost modern asian vibe), except Nigel doesn't have mood lighting in his apartment.
And I met this one person, who I'm holding a grudge against. It was pretty stiff at first, but we had a conversation. I can't remember about what exactly, but I think we dwelled on the good times we had. We talked long, altough the dream fast-forwarded it. And when the night was giving way to morning, we had to part again. And we hugged goodbye. And I said that I had missed him. And waking up after that, still feeling the Other-Me's mixture of regret, sentimentality and love (platonic, mind you) for this person, was pretty damn confusing.
I don't really know what it is that makes it hard for me to let go. Valentine is from another planet in this aspect. If a colleague backstabs him, he can forget it in a few hours and be like nothing ever happened. I can even hold a grudge for him! :P I'm thinking that perhaps I need a real proper closure or something. Our fights with Valentine are bygones for me, since we settled them. If he did something wrong enough to really anger me, he has apologised for them. On the other hand, I have wanted to know what specifically I've done wrong so that I can see what it was that hurt him so that I can apologise and not repeat that hurtful behaviour. With bridges burned, there hasn't been much chance to settle things (read above).
Still, do I need to be apologised to? It would be so much easier to just let go. Move on. Keep the friends, have fun and so forth. But somehow I just can't do it. Since I have this firm belief that if the other one doesn't want to see what they did wrong and apologise for it, it's just going to be repeated. And I'm going to get hurt again. And again. And I don't take getting hurt too well. I'm quite infamous about not being able to laugh on my own expense. Maybe this is the fault I have? Thenagain, I just can't see it as a fault. I don't see why it would be ok to insult others. I can give second chances, I understand that people are not mind-readers and can say or do hurtful things without knowing it. But once it's pointed out to them, they should change that behavior. And likewise I want to know if there's something I do that hurts others, so I can change. (Not saying that I'm a saint who never does things out of pure malice, I do.)
Some believe that they have no right to expect others to change for them. I can see that point, I wouldn't change who I am for anyone just for the sake of changing. But I don't believe in taking hits and insults from others either. If being hurtful is what you are, count me off your friendlist. I don't demand that you change what you truly are, but if it's something that I can't cope with, I'll bow out (perhaps not that gracefully). Disclamer at this point: you as a general you. It's a tricky thing though, not asking and asking for a change on other's part. Compromises need to made, like in all interactions. And it's almost never out of the grey zone when compromising is needed.
I might have mentioned this before, but I'm a very grudging person. Like haunting you house as a creepy Japanese woman type of grudge. There's not just one bridge burned behind me. And I don't know of anyone, who's come back from the 'black list', once they get themselves there. (It takes a lot though, to get black-listed by me, but I'm not going to get into detail on their sins now and here.) But thenagain, most cases have been mutual bridge-burnings, only a few people have ever tried to say anything to me after these incidents and since I hold a grudge forever, I sure as Fyrd won't contact them. So no-one has ever really tried. But the more adventurous, out-going and things-go-her-way Other-Me, she apparently can be asked for forgiveness and she can forgive.
There was plenty of other weird stuff going on in the dream as well, starting from Sister playing D&D with our group and not ending with Uncle Scrooge being trapped in a time pocked inside and inka temple (or aztec, I can never tell any of those apart). But there was also a party. I somehow felt like the party was in London, and held by an old high school friend of mine. She was also pregnant or had a young child. (None of this is actually true in my best knowledge, but I think that her face was mashed with traits from couple of other friends who have little kids or have lived abroad.) The flat was very much nothing like I imagine a London apartment to be. It was very chic, expensive and like you'd see in a Bond movie. I would love to say it was something Nigel would have, with the low furniture (almost modern asian vibe), except Nigel doesn't have mood lighting in his apartment.
And I met this one person, who I'm holding a grudge against. It was pretty stiff at first, but we had a conversation. I can't remember about what exactly, but I think we dwelled on the good times we had. We talked long, altough the dream fast-forwarded it. And when the night was giving way to morning, we had to part again. And we hugged goodbye. And I said that I had missed him. And waking up after that, still feeling the Other-Me's mixture of regret, sentimentality and love (platonic, mind you) for this person, was pretty damn confusing.
I don't really know what it is that makes it hard for me to let go. Valentine is from another planet in this aspect. If a colleague backstabs him, he can forget it in a few hours and be like nothing ever happened. I can even hold a grudge for him! :P I'm thinking that perhaps I need a real proper closure or something. Our fights with Valentine are bygones for me, since we settled them. If he did something wrong enough to really anger me, he has apologised for them. On the other hand, I have wanted to know what specifically I've done wrong so that I can see what it was that hurt him so that I can apologise and not repeat that hurtful behaviour. With bridges burned, there hasn't been much chance to settle things (read above).
Still, do I need to be apologised to? It would be so much easier to just let go. Move on. Keep the friends, have fun and so forth. But somehow I just can't do it. Since I have this firm belief that if the other one doesn't want to see what they did wrong and apologise for it, it's just going to be repeated. And I'm going to get hurt again. And again. And I don't take getting hurt too well. I'm quite infamous about not being able to laugh on my own expense. Maybe this is the fault I have? Thenagain, I just can't see it as a fault. I don't see why it would be ok to insult others. I can give second chances, I understand that people are not mind-readers and can say or do hurtful things without knowing it. But once it's pointed out to them, they should change that behavior. And likewise I want to know if there's something I do that hurts others, so I can change. (Not saying that I'm a saint who never does things out of pure malice, I do.)
Some believe that they have no right to expect others to change for them. I can see that point, I wouldn't change who I am for anyone just for the sake of changing. But I don't believe in taking hits and insults from others either. If being hurtful is what you are, count me off your friendlist. I don't demand that you change what you truly are, but if it's something that I can't cope with, I'll bow out (perhaps not that gracefully). Disclamer at this point: you as a general you. It's a tricky thing though, not asking and asking for a change on other's part. Compromises need to made, like in all interactions. And it's almost never out of the grey zone when compromising is needed.
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