Kicking the Bucket

Death is something that hasn't really touched me. I've only been to one funeral, and I had never met the deceased alive. Perhaps for this, perhaps for other reasons, I'm not exactly afraid of death. Hence I took the more literal interpretation of this week photo challenge title: Kicking the bucket.


My only concern is how much am I going to be hurting before I die. Dying slowly, in unbearable agony is something that send chills down my spine. Dying instantaneously, before you notice anything, is fine.

I don't believe there's an after-life. I believe that you simply cease to exist. This also doesn't frighten me, for the simple fact that if I cease to exist when I die, I simply won't be here to care. It won't matter if I'm forgotten or I have left no mark on the world. And it's actually pretty calming. I can enjoy just what I do, without concerning myself with too much ambition just for ambition's sake. I just have make do.

That is actually something that some of my (elderly) relatives don't seem to grasp. They are always asking whether I've gotten myself a supervising position yet, or why haven't I gone to politics or whatnots. Why the hell should I? I don't think I'll enjoy being a leader one bit. Politics have never interested me, since I grow easily frustrated just how inefficiently things are done.

That isn't to say that I don't intend to finish my Bucket list. My Bucket list is about things that I concider fun to do and doing fun things is what life should be about. I want to enjoy the time I have left. And since I sometimes forget that my time is in fact limited, the list is there to remind me to get my ass off the couch once in a while to get those fun things done. Otherwise I found just waste my time moping around, staring at nothingness or something. Not saying that I don't sometimes need that too. If I wouldn't rest at times, I wouldn't have the energy to enjoy what I want to enjoy. Pretty much why I go to work, to earn the currency I need to get more enjoyable things. And nine of those are sitting on the shelf now ;)