The Scraps of My Youth

I'll just have to live vigorously through my dolls now! ;__;

I have had a rough time with my work clothes for some time now. Yes, this might sound completely random, but bare with me... I'm working at an office of a respectable company and I feel like I'm expected to dress up in a certain way at work, although it's a call center and I have very few face-to-face customer contacts. I feel like I should wear that tailored collar shirt, pencil skirt and maybe a cardigan (bleh!). Or something else mainstream and 'appropriate for my age'. Especially if I wish to ever move upwards in my career, you don't see manager level much in anything but suits or casual suits (or corresponding female clothes).



I used to wear brightly coloured t-shirts and colleges. But not anymore! One time, when I put on my old tee, Darling actually thought it was something new since 'I rarely wear that sort of thing'.

Also my hair, I've been colouring it chocolate brown (which then fades to reddish brown with my greyish brown roots) for some time now, since it's such a sensible warm shade and works well with my eye colour and complexion. Yesterday, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought that no way I'm going to look this boring. That very day, as I was on my way home from work, I bough hair dye and immediately after I got home, applied it.

Now my hair is pitch black :D Nothing too extreme, but I wouldn't have been able to dye it pink, not with my darker undercolour... I haven't had black hair in ages, I feel... And I felt dirrrty doing it :3 Partly because I felt like cheating on my hairdressed XD I actually called that feeling a 'sneaky-teen-sensation'. And then it hit me! Am I just colouring my hair to the colour I had when I could pass as a teenager just because of my almost-thirty-crisis? Am I like those old ladies, trying to fit into tight tank-tops and miniskirts and look like they're still twenty? Am I... having a true mid-life crisis here...?

I love my black hair :( I would love pink hair! (Although pink hair would not love me back, I would look like a dork with my easily reddened face...) I love my t-shirts and colleges. I love hanging out in coffee shops, drinking tea :D

I don't want to settle for a brown hair and office clothes... I want to shudder at cardigans... I don't want to be this old!! :( So, I'll just take comfort in my ever-teen dolls who can wear pink hair and cool clothes for me...